It's all my fault

Every once in a while, you get a glimpse into the mind of the people around you, and what they think of you.

For me, this usually happened in the Army.

My last deployment, I was made a team leader. I had 2 other guys in my truck, and I was responsible for them.

Now, by this time, I'd been in the Army for 11 years, and had been a Specialist for 7 of those years. I had realized that I would not get promoted, so my career was winding down.

One day, our new squad leader (we had 7 in 9 months) asked me to meet him. He wanted to go over some of the things he expected from me and my team. He was a really good NCO, but not much of a combat leader. Which is fine. Not all people are suited to lead in combat. I don't know if I was, but I did it anyway. This man had been in the military for about 15 years, and was a Staff Sargent.

So, we talked about what he expected of the cleanliness of our rooms, counseling my troops and other issues. One thing he was adamant about was finances. He told me that he wanted a list of my guys' financial obligations, so he could keep up on them, and help out when they needed it.

Immediately after he told me that, I told him no. Just that. NO. I will not ask my team to provide you with a list of their finances. That is an unlawful order.

This surprised him. He wasn't used to a troop like me that knew the rules, and didn't blindly follow orders, or rail against them just because he liked to stir up shit.

I explained to him that at no point may he require that someone under his command give him access to their finances. I said that I understood the point of getting such information. He just wanted to help his troops. If they started getting into financial trouble, he wanted to help them out with it. It wasn't that he wanted to steal their identity or what money they had.

Now, I'm the kind of guy that will offer a solution whenever he brings up a problem. My solution was that I would relay his intention to my team, and let them know that if they needed any kind of financial help, he was available.

He paused for a moment, and then told me, "You know what, Grissom? I think you'll make an excellent NCO someday."

"You can go ahead and shove that right up your ass, John.'"

"What do you mean? You're young. You've got plenty of time left in your career. What are you, 22? 23?"

"I'm 30, John. I was born in 1977, I've been a Specialist for 7 years, and in the Army for a total of 11. Almost all of my superiors have told me that same thing. That I'll make a good NCO some day. Well, what day? I should have been one 5 - 7 years ago, but they keep thinking that I'm a kid because of my rank, and that someone else will mentor me. Well, guess what? Nobody has. They just keep passing me off to others or promoting kids that are younger than me, and expecting me to train them. So, either get me promoted so I have a reason to think about my career, or leave me alone to do my job."

At which point, he finally understood why I am the way I am. At least, militarily. He apologized, and asked me to pass along his request, as I suggested it. The rest of the deployment, he let me run my team without interference. I think he knew that I would do whatever my job was, and more. That I would always take care of my troops, as he had always strove to do.

Mind you, this conversation took place less than 3 weeks after he took over as squad leader. His first day, he took me and my buddy (who was also my driver) aside for a little chat. He sat us down, and said, "The two of you are responsible for the downfall of morale in the entire company."

I'll say that again:

"The two of you are responsible for the downfall of morale in the ENTIRE COMPANY."

My response, at first, was, "Thank you. It's nice to be included in something."

"Well, when you two get together with your little E4 Mafia meetings, you undermine the authority of the leadership, and basically make it harder for us to accomplish our mission."

Then I went off. I mentioned our asshole commander who was putting our lives in jeopardy for the sake of his career. I mentioned our idiot First Sargent who was more concerned about the length of our socks than he was about proper maintenance on our vehicles, or the welfare of his troops. I noted the fact that we were doing a job that we were never supposed to do, without proper training, and were excelling at it. The only thing HOLDING TOGETHER the company's morale was US. People came to us with their problems, and we helped them by either explaining the situation, or bringing it to the proper channels to get it resolved.

The E4 mafia was the only reason we didn't have any suicides or major injuries, why our troops always had proper equipment, and why our missions were completed successfully. So, to say that two lower ranking soldiers who have been doing the job of a Sargent Major were making things worse... well... that just showed me that our leadership actually had no idea what was going on, and didn't care to get it right.

Then, I walked out before he could say anything that might anger me more.

That might have been a contributing factor to him letting me do my job, and staying out of my way. Of course, I helped him whenever I could. I didn't want him to fail, and in turn, for us to fail.