North Fort

Just before my first deployment to Iraq, we were training on North Fort Lewis.

There was a nightclub called, ironically, "North Fort". Genius.

Anyway, one night, a friend and I were there, having some drinks, and went out for a smoke. While smoking I overheard the following:

"I don't know what you're worried about girl. You don't need a man. Hell, I don't need a man. I've got my vibrator, and that's more than enough. My vibrator doesn't give me problems."

I glanced at my friend, and he said, "No, leave it alone."

"Oh, come on. I gotta mess with these people."

"Alright, but be nice about it."

I walked over to the woman in question, and said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. Did you say that you don't need a man because you have a vibrator? Is that correct?"

"That's right. What? You think you can do better than my toy?"

"Honey, I hate to burst your bubble, but a vibrator can't hold a candle to any man in this place."

"Really? Why is that?"

"Because no vibrator can grab you by the back of the hair and say 'GET DOWN THERE! CHOKE ON THAT, YOU NASTY LITTLE BITCH!'"

She paused, thinking of some rebuttal, then realized that she had none. "You're right. I stand corrected. What are you doing later?"

Just so you know, I didn't go home with her. I had a girlfriend at the time. I just wanted to fuck with her world view.